milkcrate man sightings

Some other unscrupulous 'zines have honed in on the Milkcrate Man phenomenon and milked it for all it's worth. We here at de-VICE deplore such unethical and downright inaccurate reports. Here, for the first time, are some true spottings of the globe-trotting manic man-of-madcap-mystery...

ABOVE: Castle von Mylk - where it all began?

BELOW: A deceptively mild-mannered milkcrate denies its true usage.

ABOVE: Early, unproved photo of a pair of wild Milkcrates

in the Yukon territories, c.1890s

ABOVE: Early goth-modernist art had many background depictions of the iconographic character lurking in dark shadows, usually with bizarrely fore-shortened angles.

BELOW: A desperate plea, or a warning?

Milkcrate graf found in a trailer park near Florida Keys, 1972.

ABOVE: The first clear picture of Milkcrate Man, presumed taken by tourist photographers in Asia, as he lingers in the background. The fate of the tourists is unknown; one cannot help but wonder and be alarmed about the possible implications of the odd expression shaping M.C. Man's face...

BELOW: Carcass of discarded milkcrate found in Vladivostok,

Russia, in 1985. Theories abounded at the time - since dismissed - that Milkcrate Man was a form of hybrid hermit crab...

ABOVE: A casual happy-snap turned sinister. When questioned, these party-goers in Tokyo, Japan, had no recollection of the presence of M.C. Man (far right) and were unsettled when shown this photograph.

BELOW: These bizarre specially-trained milk-procurement cats

were captured in Fiji in 1997. A week later

a Cat Training & Milk Brainwashing Treatment Camp

was raided in Vanuatu, where dozens of the innocent

felines were imprisoned. Links to Milkcrate Man

are still to be proved.

ABOVE: First contact. Marcella Brassett, a psychic singer, confronts what she perceives to be Milk Crate Man's presence in Hong Kong. When this photograph was developed, M.C. Man's writhing aparition appeared, rearing like a cornered tarantula in a rave club...

BELOW: This threatening milk

bottle icon was emailed to the

prime minister of Botswana in 2001.

Source: unknown

ABOVE: The phantom menace? At a recent Cherry Blossom viewing party in Ueno, Japan, retired salaryman Setiguchi Watanabe Jnr. took some very beautiful photographs of the blooming flowers. Once developed, however, the works of art were destroyed by this sake-toting otherworldly image with no respect at all for good manners...

BELOW: FBI agents raided this dubious-looking tenement

block in Creme County, Louisiana, in July last year.

Discared milk bottles, crates, bottle-openers, condensed

milk tubes, and Anchor Steam beer stubbies were

found - suggesting that natural food

and supplies are becoming scarce

BELOW: CIA and KGB test-subjects of psychotropic drugs during the Cold War often reported seeing a Milkcrate Man like apparition that loomed at them from what attending doctors can only suggest are the nether-regions of their conscious minds. Typically the subject went completely insane after such episodes.

ABOVE: The beast eats... 'nuff said...